Joy and Pain

Joy and Pain

Wouldn’t it be great if you lived happily ever after? Free from any worries, temptation, suffering or grief? You have the perfect job, perfect marriage and family, bill-free, mortgage free, you have a house and car that never needs any repair, blood pressure’s good, ideal weight, tip top health, No drama, no hater-ation or holler-ation…a life where it’s all good, all the time.

While many of us are living a great, comfortable life, the reality is that no one is no way near that perfect life. We pretty much can agree that life is filled with ups and downs…highs and lows. One day you are living well/feeling great, the next day you are faced with burdens and challenges.

This formula holds true consistently through time. Politically, after experiencing the pomp and circumstance of inauguration day, a President of the United States then faces the tough task of representing a divided country where he is viewed by 40% of its people as the worst thing to ever walk the face of the earth. Socially, a beautiful princess--after a beautiful wedding and introduction into the Royal family--is immediately faced with constant racism and prejudice, both from within and outside of her family. Personally, my dear wife, who during approximately ten years of blissful marriage still has to deal with me during football season…particularly after my beloved Carolina Panthers lose. All in all, life is filled with its share of joys and pains.

Along with its smooth groove, fresh bassline, and mellow vocals, Franke Beverly and Maze’s classic Joy and Pain beautifully tells of what we go through as we embark on new beginnings through life…whether it’s a new romance, new friendship, new job, new school.   I wish these new beginnings bring a worried-free life filled with good fortune and joy.  I wish I can assure that things will be smooth sailing going forward.  We still will face times of difficulty, struggle, and pain. It is a part of life.

In no way does this writing intend to wish ill-will, bad luck or failure on anyone.  Rather, I present best practices to prepare and deal with certain things that may happen in life.

Success or failure in life does not depend on the number of good vs. bad thing that happen to you. Rather, it’s all about how you deal with and respond to each situation. The majority of new small businesses fail within two years because they did not know how to manage the start-up costs and minimal profit. The average college Freshman drops out mainly because he cannot manage his time effectively to meet numerous academic deadlines. The risk of divorce within the first two years are much higher than other periods, mainly due to not being able to cope through the growing pains. And sadly, many newly converted Christians fall by the waste-side because they cannot completely cut away from old habits or relationships…or instead of immediately receiving new joys and victories assured to them upon accepting Christ, they fail to see any changes in their life situation from before.

Martin Luther King observes:

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.

How you stand during both joys and pain, in turn, says a lot in determining your success, particularly in our spiritual development.

Consider The Source

First, acknowledge the source of your joys and pain. In Ecclesiastes, Solomon writes:

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.

I contend that this passage is the basis of the verse “Joy and pain, are like sunshine and rain”. If you consider our environment, sun and rain are needed to survive. Sunlight is beneficial in that it is a great source of vitamin D for the human skin. Also, through photosynthesis sunlight provides the proper nourishment for plants to grow. But what happens when there is too much sun without rain? Sunburn, skin cancer, plants dry, wither and eventually die out, and droughts that deprive animals of water. Rain adds humidity to the air and provides nourishment for animals and plants to grow. But what happens when there is too much rain without sun? Floods, erosion, damage of plant roots. All in all, God plans it to where there is a balance between the two—and he provide enough of each for his creatures to fully grow.

Our sovereign God created us and placed instances and occurrences in our lives according to his Plan. Whatever we experience, we should first acknowledge that it is not from our own merit, but from God. In our joys, we should see it as something we deserved, or are entitled to because of status. Nor should we mock and look down on others because we have more than they do. Rather, we should receive our joys as a gift from God. And as good stewards we use those gifts to serve others and uplift His Kingdom.  In our pain, we should worry about what we did to deserve this…nor should we feel that we are the only ones who struggle. Rather, we should know that there are certain times appointed by God which we cannot change or alter. Because he loves us, he will never place any more on us than we can bear. And because of this balance, we know that weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

Solomon teaches us that, through it all, God is in Control. Whatever we are going through—happiness, sickness; prosperity or heartache; joy or pain—God is in Control. We may not understand what is going on now, but as Paul says in Romans 8 “we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love Him, to those who are called according to his purpose”.

Talk About It

Second, we must communicate….to God and to each other, in all that we go through.

In our joy, we are to praise Him and thank Him for what He has done for us. He is worthy of all our praise…in no way should we get too full of ourselves to where we do not give him Thanks.

As we recognize God as the source of our Joy, we have no choice to thank Him for His blessing. Deuteronomy 10:21 says “Praise him—he is your God, and you have seen with your own eyes the great and astounding things that he has done for you”

I Chronicles 16:34 says further “Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. For his lovingkindness is everlasting.”

And we are called to tell others of his goodness through our testimony.

Our story of God’s goodness and mercy can be a blessing for others…it can uplift and inspire others to follow Christ and receive his Goodness. As the songwriter says Said I wasn’t going to tell nobody, but I couldn’t keep it to myself…what the Lord has done for me.

In our pain, we should cry out to God, tell him of our troubles. The book of Psalms contains some of the most beautiful and emotional songs and prayers in the Bible. Whether it’s of praise, wisdom, thanksgiving, or lament, in each text we see honest and candid expression of emotion to God. And this is how we should pray…particularly during our times of despair. Cast your cares upon him, be honest about what you’re going through. You are His child, and he will always be there to comfort, love and guide you as you go through.

And we should tell others of our troubles. Despite the alarming statistics that place African Americans at higher risk of heart disease, stroke, cancer, diabetes, and other maladies, we do not frequent the doctor as frequently as we should. Whether its due to the lack of affordable healthcare, lack of distrust, or simply fear…we simply do not go to the doctor.

According to Our World Data, in 2017 an estimated 264 million people in the world experienced depression. Per the Health and Human Services Office of Minority Health, African Americans are 20% more likely to experience serious mental health problems than the general population. Moreover, African American youth who are exposed to violence are at a greater risk for PTSD by over 25%. In addition to having trouble recognizing symptoms or red flags, the office attributes this rate to our general reluctance to discuss mental health issues and seek treatment because of the shame and stigma associated with such conditions in our community.

Numerous organizations and agencies are doing their part in bringing resources to assist those at risk in our communities. But we should continue to encourage others to—instead of keeping things bottled up inside—seek help if they notice anything of concern going on in their lives.

Wherever your situation may fall, please know that there is an opportunity to tell your story. Your story may go a long way in save others, and even yourself.

Think Long Term

Consider the history of the Dow Jones Average, which for over one hundred years has been the barometer of economic performance in the United States. The Dow Jones index is made up of 30 large, stable, publicly owned companies, and history has shown that as these averages rise and fall, so does our economy. Despite its ups and downs, its long-term trend shows a steady rise in value. Taking away inflation, you see a tremendous increase in value if you invested any money back then.

Wherever you are in life, you should know that you are in this life for the long term.

Unfortunately, we have short term investors in life…looking for quick fixes to problems or instant prosperity. As soon as they experience success, they tend to cash out…getting comfortable enough to stop praising and thanking God for his blessings…thinking that they don’t need God anymore. In turn, as they realize constant failures, they tend to jump ship…in their despair giving up and turning away from God.

What we need are long term investors--those who are willing to manage the joys and endure the pains throughout in order to receive the ultimate success.

In Ecclesiastes 9 Solomon observes:

Again I saw that under the sun the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches to the intelligent, nor favor to those with knowledge, but time and chance happen to them all.

Further, Matthew 24 says: But the one who endures to the end will be saved.

Now the key to this long-term strategy is to keep investing. Invest by building your relationship with God through study and obedience of His word. Invest through prayer and honest communication. Invest through your love and service to others. Invest by letting others see the Goodness of the Lord through your work.  Keep investing, and great will be the reward you receive in the end.

Throughout the joys and pains in your life, you will endure—for God is with you throughout. Just know that its 1) all a part of God’s plan 2) In God, your friends and church family, you have a strong network to communicate with and support you throughout, and 3) “press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ.” As you cherish the joys and grow from the pain, you are on your way to a bigger and better you.